I’m 35.

I’m afraid of the dark.

sometimes (like now)  when I’m thirsty I won’t get up because I don’t want to deal with getting up in the middle of the night and being scared because the adrenaline usually wakes me up so that I can’t get back to sleep.

I should probably start growing up. 

I should probably do my taxes from the last four years.

It’s really more anxiety than being afraid of the dark.  I’m afraid of everything.  I actually always feel like somebody’s watching me.

so what.

I just finished a movie (Bridesmaids _ I actually thought it was really great and sweet.  I cried a few times) and when the screen went blank I could see my reflection in the computer monitor. 

I acted like I wasn’t paying attention to it, but I was actually moving my hands around my face just to make sure the reflection was doing the same thing.

I’m going to go get that water now, but I’m going to turn on every light on the way there.

I’m going to act like I’m not looking out the dark window that sits by the glasses but will actually be studying every shadow.

I’m going to be awake for at least another hour (which will be the 24th hour of being awake) because I’m going to get scared if I get that water.

There’s a good chance I am going to delete this whole post so that I don’t sound crazy.

I might as well be crazy…  My bed is filled with dolls because I like them, but two of them talk - so every time I roll over I hear cookie monster yell and part of me thinks he’s talking because something else moved him (he talks when he gets moved)

i’m so thirsty.

how do you conquer fear?  Walk outside into the dark spot?  If I went outside into the darkness I would freak.  I got stuck once and stood in the same spot for what seemed like an hour.  listening for danger.  afraid.  Only stuck once though.  A deer in headlights.  I forgot to close all of the window blinds and stood up after playing a scary video game (silent hill 1).  All of the windows were pitch black and no one was home.

one time in high school we were playing hide and go seek in the woods.  I was so scared that I just followed someone else so that if anything happened, they would be close enough to hear me yell.  I made sure to make noise so that I would get found early and be able to go into the light.  But not first, though, so that when I got to the loser circle I wouldn’t be alone and I wouldn’t have to be it next and then search for people alone in the dark.

tomorrow I get a foosball table!!!  (thanks Dylan)

tomorrow I get melted cheese on something (thanks Willy)

tomorrow (which is today) I get to order another Nuggets’ Jersey since all of the ones I have are of players that don’t believe in the Magic of Denver anymore.  Or they got traded.

Maybe I’ll open that geode that I’ve been excited to crack open, but assumed that I would find someone else just as excited as me to open a geode.

I thought I would wait so that I could share that moment with someone else who forgot about the wonders of geodes.

I should floss, and then get that water.

I’m soooo thirsty.